It Must Be The Heat.

Not that anyone reads this except my one bud (thanks it's nice to have a friend). Well it doesn't matter anyway I started this blog to unburden myself at my own pace. I have a lot of baggage I need to get rid of, my soul is so heavy and I am so tired.

Sometimes I feel like I can't go on, but I have two son's who I love very much and they need me so I go on. If it weren't for them, and my Mother who also needs me, I would be perfectly content to sign myself into an asylum where I could just stare into space and lose myself, you know just give up (I'm not the suicide type).

No one that is close to me or that knows me has any idea I feel this way. They see me as a happy,funny,laid back,but outspoken kinda person that doesn't take shit off anyone like the nutty professor with attitude. And most of the time I am but these feelings are always there, just slightly out of my conscienceness.

I think it's because I always feel so alone. It would be nice to connect to more people. But how in the hell am I supposed to do that when I can't bring myself to fully trust anyone? I am very good at reading people (that skill was acquired from a childhood full of abuse as a survival mechanism)and people always seem to fufill my expectations of them and disappoint me.

Okay well I feel a little better now.