Christmas Day Epiphany

Christmas Day started out great enjoyed watching my loved ones enjoying their presents. If only I had known that a small thoughtless gesture would soon prove my philosophy on people to be still true (my philosophy is people suck). On the surface people might think its no big deal to me it spoke volumes.

I went to a home whom I considered family and who claimed we were a part of theirs to drop off some gifts. While there they made it very obvious that my little one and I had never even crossed their minds for Christmas. The mother ran upstairs and returned with a movie that was she obviously bought for herself and gave it to me saying it wasn't wrapped because she didn't have to to do it. I always do whatever I can for this family and I never expect anything in return, I do those things without thought (until now). What surprised me was that they hadn't gotten the little one anything as much as they claim that they love him and he's a part of their family. Out of that family not even the one we're the closest to thought of him (the little one will sometimes cry for this person, which I guess makes me chopped liver on those occasions). I mean if the little one can't have me this person is one of the 2 other people he'll settle for till I return from an errand. So this person gives the little one 5 bucks, who gives a 4 year old money?!? All this to be truthful I'm ashamed to say hurt my feelings. I would have preferred for us to get nothing from them, I mean we didn't go over there to get anything but to see them give other people stuff when they weren't even very close to them said a lot to me. During the time we spent there I had an epiphany these people while not my enemies are also not the people they pretend to be. So I will just remember this fact about them (or peep this)and I won't get mad or angry because it would be pointless to get mad at them for being who they are. After all they're just being themselves. I just wish they wouldn't present themseves as "The Waltons" when they clearly are not (at least its clear to me now).

Another thing that was confirmed to me on Christmas Day by some neighbors of mine at least didn't surprise me. Earlier in the week I had mentioned to this (older than me be by about 10 yrs) couple that if I had enough money I would purchase a turkey for them. Now I'm a single parent with children and a very small income and we live on our own (so we pay all the bills). They're a couple who's children are grown and live in other states. The man isn't working (by choice) he's got a million excuses and the woman (who is nice enough) has knee problems so she can't work they're about to be evicted and they've only been here a month or two. The man is not exactly the hold down a steady job type, but he feels since his mother is now his landlords girlfriend that he should be given the guys old truck and that he shouldn't have to pay rent (nevermind that the house has a mortgage to be paid). When he starts bitching (which is often) he doesn't say it in quite those words but he gets his meaning across pretty clearly.When they first moved in they were planning on selling the place for twice what the man was going to sell it to them for as soon as the landlord gave them the deed. I found that distatseful, but I know the landlord and he may be old but he's not stupid (thank god), he was doing them a favor because of his girlfriend (dudes mom) and they were going to screw him over (not his wife really she just goes with whatever he he says). Anyway I already understood what kind of people they were. He tried to get me to sell him my car for 500 bucks, my car is a classic and I've put so much work into the engine it purrs like a kitten. He just would have turned around and sold it for a lot of money (I'm not stupid either).So Christmas night as I'm getting out of my car they're watching to see what I have in my bags (their chair and couch are strategically placed they don't even have to get up to be nosy) and I hear them talking about they think I have a turkey. So as soon as I walk in my door I have to (well I didn't really have to and almost didn't) walk out my door again and go to their door to give them the turkey, can you believe they were already standing at their door. Man!! They have no shame there are two of them and no kids and theres me with kids and they really expected to get that turkey whether I had one myself or not. They weren't even embarresed that I pitied them.

Christmas night I also called some "friends" (more like aquaintances)I thought I had and they sounded less than thrilled to hear from me (except when they want something from me).It was enough to just warm my heart. Needless to say I am cutting them from my life. I mean life is hard enough I don't need people like that in it making it harder.

I have come to some really profound revalations about human nature this year, Christmas really made me realize how alone I really am even when among people I know and that in some dimensions of my life I am lonely though I didn't realize it till now. I had no one to pour out my soul to till now my Blog is my best friend. I feel so much better I think I'll be able to sleep now without these thought flying around in my head. I am unburdened!

Lesson Learned: kindness is always taken for weakness.